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Crap My Mom Sends Me

"mother isn't quite herself today"

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Helpful Crap

Weird Things You Can Buy On Amazon…

The Amazon logo is seen on a podium duri

Ok….so my Mom knows that I am an Amazonaholic.  Seriously…there should be a support group for us.  (*note to self…start support group…check Amazon for publicity and advertising materials)

But there are things on there that I would not buy!  For example…Milk!  Or Condoms – I sure as heck don’t need advertisements for those popping up all over my Facebook screen (oh yea…they already do)

Anyway…My mom sent me an email with “The Weirdest Things You Can Buy On Amazon” and I thought I would share a few with you!  Now…I am not sharing them all….as I honestly might buy a couple of the things listed.  But…I am weird.

Anyway…here goes:

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GRASS FLIP FLOPS  –  WHY??  Just around your yard with no shoes on.  FOR FREE!!!!

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A YODELING PICKLE  –  Now….if it was a radish…..  THEN MAYBE!

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A POUND OF FAT  –  Again…I can get this for free…and I don’t have to look at it!  Just put on a shirt!!

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8 POUNDS OF CEREAL MARSHMALLOWS  –  Cause eating Lucky Charms isn’t unhealthy enough!

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And lastly….and my favorite (no it is not an inhaler)….

A GIANT WALL DECAL OF A WOMAN SUCKING ON AN INHALER  –  And you may be asking yourself “WHY????”

The real question is….Why NOT!?

 

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Calling Dr. Mom…

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When it comes to my being sick when I was a kid…my mom always took very good care of me!  Even when she knew I was faking it!  Well…except for that one time…

But here is the thing about my Mom….she is smarter than any Doctor I have ever been to in my life.  I can call her and tell her my symptoms over the phone…and immediately she knows that all I have is a hangnail….or I stubbed my toe!

But recently…I have actually been really sick.  Flu kinda sick.  And you know…you never really know if you have the flu or if you have a really bad cold.  So…thanks to my Mom…and her ability to search the internet….I have more definite answers.  Here we go:

12 Signs Your Common Cold Could Be Something Way Worse

  1. It’s not the usual symptoms
  2. Your whole body aches
  3. Your throat is on fire
  4. Suddenly, one ear is in pain
  5. Your cold won’t go away
  6. Your cough can’t quit you
  7. You’re throwing up
  8. You have bloody diarrhea
  9. You’re wheezing and short of breath
  10. You always get sick right about now
  11. You’re having a heck of a time breathing
  12. The cough is deep in your chest
  13. Your colds are predictable

Now…I am just throwing this out here…but if one of your symptoms is that you can’t count…what does that mean???

Anyway….If a usual symptom is bloody diarrhea and you are breathing fire…..I am thinking a trip to an ER or Exorcist is needed.

If you are having a hard time breathing…make sure it’s just because your wife doesn’t have a pillow over your face.

But most of the other symptoms seem to fit…so….I am thinking I am sicker than normal. So…guess I should get off of here and take some meds…prescribed by Doctor Mom!

Maps…

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One of the places that my mom gets a lot of the items she sends me is StumbleUpon

And I for one…am very grateful that this site exists…if not for any other reason..than for a lot of the awesome crap she finds on there.

For example, she recently sent me this page on MAPS.

The 13 Best Maps of 2013

I absolutely loved this page!  I was on here literally…for over an hour.

So make sure you check it out…and stay tuned for more things my Mom stumbles across.

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The Hiccups…

So…after my recent ear shunt surgery for my Meniere’s Disease….I have started to have the hiccups ALL THE FREAKING TIME!  Now…this is something that mom also suffers with…and trust me when I say I totally get how much they SUCK for her!  But being the great mom she is..she sent me some good info on Hiccups…so thought I would share it with you all!

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Dear Abby #1…

Seriously??   Someone actually stopped…thought about this…and then wrote Abby to ask her opinion on it??  Dear Curious George….people should greet each other because they want to…not because of some expected social etiquette?  I am guessing you are just mad because no-one talks to you!  Grow up!

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Christmas In August??

Ok…so normally we celebrate Christmas in July…..right?   But with my health issues lately, I am have been running a little bit behind.  And I came across this gem that my Mom sent me back in December 2014.  But honestly…is it ever really too early to start getting into the spirit?

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So…what she sent me was a a video for 10 Simple Tricks for making Christmas a  lot easier.  After watching it again today…I am thinking I better start now…just in case…

Hope you enjoy!!

10 Life Hacks for Christmas

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